To the Someone of my Someday


You know my story. You met me when I was literally at my worst. You knew how my heart was shattered to thousands of pieces because of thousand reasons, yet you stayed.

You heard me sing my favorite heartache song, and you even sing with me whenever you feel like I had too much dose of self-pity for the day. You knew that I needed someone, and so you stayed.

I sang,

Someday, someone’s gonna love me the way I wanted you to need me..

Someday, someone’s gonna take your place..

..and you were insane enough to listen until the end.

I sang,

One day, I’ll forget about you..

You’ll see, I won’t even miss you…

Someday, I know someone’s gonna be there!

And you only listened to my endless cries and mumbles about the bitter past.

You know how real that song is for me, because the only wrong thing I did was to love too much, and was only hurt too deeply. The song became my mantra, my personal prayer of hope.

I don’t know if, at one point, you ever realized this, but you turned out to be the someone in my someday. You became the love I didn’t know I needed. You became the answer to the prayer that I’ve been singing for a long time.

Now, every time I sing that song, it’s no longer to make myself believe and hope and mourn for what I lost; I sing it now as a proof that some wishes (if you wish hard enough) could be and would be granted.

To my falling star, my wishbone, my 11:11, my birthday candle, my love, thanks for the thousand days of patience. You are my favorite song.

Advertisements

i’ll follow you

I’ll follow you

Through hills and oceans,

Through waterfalls and seas,

Through sands and stones,

Through jungles and cities.

 

I’ll follow you

When highs hit lows,

When you feel alone,

When you’re at your worst,

When you don’t want me to.

 

I’ll follow you

From east to west,

From north to south,

From sunrise to sunset,

From nowhere to anywhere.

 

I’ll follow you

To the end of the seas,

To the middle of the galaxy,

To the beginning of the rainbow,

To the endless road to the stars.

 

I’ll follow you

Come rain or shine,

Come flood or draught,

Come festivity or hunger,

Come sun or snow.

 

I’ll follow you

Because I want to..

Because I can..

Because I will..

Because I’m yours.

 

I’ll follow you

So I can be with you,

So I can see you through,

So I can show you

 

That I’ll follow you..

 

..And only you.

 

— H

071916

 


This is my 3rd anniversary poetry gift to the man I love. This comes with  picture for each line, posted in Instagram one photo at  time. My IG account was hacked and I deeply regret that, but it’s a good thing that I found a copy of the poem.

Dear Pats,

Fuck the distance. I’ll still follow you.

Missing Parts

White Rose

My younger cousin once asked me out of the blue, 

“Have you ever missed someone so terribly that it makes you wanna cry?”

I thought about it deeply. 

Do I miss someone when I wake up in the morning and hear silence instead of the noise in the kitchen and voices of people I adore? 

..when I eat their favorite dishes without them beside me? 

..when I see something beautiful and had the urge to show it to someone but not having the chance to do it? 

..or when I experience something weird or awesome but he’s not there to listen to my burst of excitement? 

..when I’m used to calling someone when I am sad but I know that they can’t hear me anymore? 

..when I’m used to doing something with someone but suddenly I have to do it alone? 

..when I realize how long it would take before I see this person again? 

Do I miss someone so much that I just want to cry? Yes. All the time. When I see children hugging and kissing their mothers, when I see a couple walking hand in hand, when I see a group of people laughing and fooling around, I feel terribly sad. And when I realize that I can do nothing about it, I feel even sadder. 

I guess every single person we love really holds a part of our hearts, and when we get separated from them, the spaces in our hearts where the pieces they’re holding once were will ache so hard and makes us want to cry in pain. 

Yes, I miss people everyday. But we just got to learn to live with the pain and hope that it ends soon. 
— H

101216

Silhouette

I was looking at you as you stood there — careless, relaxed, oblivious of the world. With your back from me, you were standing by the window, enjoying the view of the sun moving gracefully behind the city buildings directly in front of you.
Then, you turned around and leaned against the window and just stood there like an apparition of an angel sent to save my suffering soul.

But you know what’s best? You were far more glorious than any sunset I have ever witnessed.
You are nothing but a shadow against the rays — a dark image in the middle of the blinding light — yet, you were far more beautiful than all of the lights in the world combined.

The afternoon was fading, but you weren’t. You never did. Like the moon, you only shone brighter as the sun retired.
Then finally, I saw your smile.

And then the moon became the sun, and I became the shadow — the happiest shadow there is.

 
– H
090816

travel and love

It was just a dream, you know.. Packing my bags, leaving the city, spending long hours hitting the road, finding a beautiful beach, feeling the cold sand on my warm feet, listening to the waves, watching them dance, indulging in the blue sky above the mountains across the sea..

It was just a dream, until I met you. And next thing I know, I’m off the city’s deadly hooks and running away, maybe even faster than necessary.

And when I finally saw the trees and hills and patches of the bursting light kissing the ocean, I fell in love. And then I saw you beside me, and I fell in love even deeper. And I wanted to show you the things that pacified my wailing heart once, and pacifying it still. I wanted you to see the beauty. I wanted to be the person who reminds you over and over and over again that there is beauty somewhere, hidden far and far away, like gems and golds scattered in the mountains that can only be found by those who leave and search — either outside their cities, or inside their hearts.

But I should’ve known that these things are nothing as compared to your beauty while you slowly, uncontrollably fall in the spell of the sea. And then you looked at me and with a smile on your eyes, you said, “It’s beautiful.” And while I stood there, staring at your lovely face, entranced by all the beautiful things caught by my eyes within a moment, I said, “Yes.”

Yes to falling. Yes to drowning. Yes to running away. Yes to being spell-bound. Yes to forgetting. Yes to imprisonment. Yes to dreams. Yes to the unknown tomorrow. Yes to love. Yes to the death brought by the sea and the sky and the mountains and you.

Two items off my bucket list now:

1. to independently enjoy the world outside the city, and

2. to travel with camera in one hand and your hand in the other.

 

— H

FEATURED PHOTO || 071916 Sunset at Nagtabon Beach, Puerto Princesa, Palawan, Philippines

love story

I am no expert in love.

In fact, I’m particularly clumsy when it comes to it. I slip, I stumble, I fall — hard. I am easily fooled by love, easily blinded by it. That’s why my brain kept doubting my heart over and over again when it started beating differently for this person.

It wasn’t just the fact that it beats loudly and arrhythmically. It’s more than just the warm-cold element rushing through your veins every time he stares at you. It is not the type that blocks all your reasons off your brain and makes you jump off the cliff.

No. It was different.

In fact, in contrary, I saw all the reasons, the good and the bad, the awkwardness of it all, the risks. I heard everyone’s voices, the doubts and the hopes. I felt it all, saw it all. It made me think within the parameters of reality, and that’s what made it different.

I saw the cliff, looked at it from all angles, measured its height and width, asked for opinions, felt the wind, felt the excitement, felt the danger, felt conscious of it all. And when I knew that it’s time, I jumped. I yelled, “FUCK IT!” and jumped. Deliberately, I took the leap because right there, right at the ground, right at the bottom of the bottomless pit, he firmly stood — patiently waiting for me to fall.

I’m not very sure, but I think you’ll know love when you see one. Wouldn’t you hear it in their voices, or see it in the twinkle in their eyes? Wouldn’t they make your name sound like the most beautifully crafted word in the whole world? Wouldn’t their smiles make you wonder how you survived all those years without them? Wouldn’t their arms make you weaker and stronger at the same time? Wouldn’t love make you so full of emotions that you can’t help but write songs and poems about it?

I am no expert in love, but here’s what I know…

Before, it had always been, “Here’s the guy I want!” But this time I though, “Here’s a man I could follow!”

(Shannon, Boy Meets Girl)

 

 

h.a.m

021516

 

home

I just realized how, since I was a child, I had various places I called home.

I used to stay at different houses, borrow clothes from my aunts and cousins or from whomever I’d be staying with, had a lot of families scattered all around the Philippines. I enjoyed it. I felt adventurous. Little did I know that I was being prepared (by life? by fate, maybe?) to exist without a permanent home.

I live everywhere and yet, I live nowhere. I mark my territory by leaving something behind — books, clothes, perfume, shoes — anything that would make me feel like I belong there… that I belong somewhere. But no, it didn’t happen. Yes, I always had a place to stay, to eat, to rest, to spend the night, but I guess I was never truly home.

But then, I found it.

After years of wandering and knocking and looking for a permanent place to stay in, I found it. And it’s the loveliest place I’ve ever been. And it’s wonderful. It’s wonderful to finally belong somewhere.

I still spent days and nights at the streets, in a friend’s house, in a stranger’s den, in a cab, in malls, at parks, in convenience stores, in 24-hour restaurants and fast-food chains, in buses, at endless roads, and yet, I was always home. With a bottle of water in one hand and his hand on the other, I found my home.

Now, I realized that it doesnt really matter where I stay or where I don’t. Because I can spend my whole life looking for a house, but this man’s arms around me is what brings me home.

 

 

 

012016