The Witness

It will always be painful

Remembering the way it felt —

Her hands stroking my hair

Or my head against her arms

Or my hand holding hers

As we walk under the blistering sun

Or the way she cooks

My everyday meal,

Or the way she washes

My dresses and jeans

Or the way she laugh

With all her heart

Until everybody around her

Laughs just as hard

Or how she tells me

The places that I would see

If I work hard enough

Or the dreams I will achieve

Or the way we plan our future

The vacations we wanted to have

Or the words she poured on me

Whenever my days were bad

Or the way she tears up

When I cried with a broken heart,

Or how she hugged me so tight

When I felt like falling apart

Or how I hear her cry in pain

While there’s nothing I could do

But ask what’s wrong and stay awake

And fetch her meds and just cry, too

Or the way she tries

To laugh it off

But still ends up

Cringing in pain

Or how she asked me

To stay strong for her,

To take care of her family

As if I’m as strong as her

Or how I’ll give her massage

That is just too painful to do

Coz I feel the skin and bones

Of the strongest woman I knew

Or that final task

I was asked to do

To make her milk

And add the pain relievers, too

Or how I had to feed her myself

Through the tubes through her nose

And though my hands were shaking,

I gave just the right amount of dose

Of the medicine that would ruin my life

Why I wanted to stab me with a knive

Because I  know exactly what I did back then:

I’m the reason why she never woke up again.
– H.

041517

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