death is mercy

It’s 3:19 in the morning, and thoughts are pouring out.

I’m painting happy colors, but in my mind,  I’m seeing sad faces. I’m seeing hospital beds and oxygen tanks and tears and caskets and cold, rainy, lonely nights.

I’m seeing smiling faces that I won’t be seeing again for some time.

I’m hearing lonely voices making me want to turn and run back and be with them when they feel like nobody can.

Death broke me. No, not by killing me, but for making me live. Death is mercy, but life — knowing that every single person I love is either dead or will soon be — life is torment.

It’s 3:25 a.m., and I’m alive, with so many possbilities ahead of me..

.. and so much pain.

I just hope it stops.

– H

082316

Captured at Cruz sa Wawa Memorial Park by the author. (A proof that you can be alive, yet, dead.)

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